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  • Blaize Hall

A poem about anxiety


I have wanted to write so many times in recent weeks. But I've bit off a few more things than I can chew lately. I've been overwhelmed. And every topic I thought of writing on had me blocked. I didn't know where to begin. So, here is some word vomit. As we used to say to the chick with her head over the toilet in college, "Better out than in!" Perhaps it will be moving to someone. At the risk of oversharing, or poor marketing, or lacking a niche, I like to write about the dark times as well as the good. I like to be real on social media and here on the blog. I want people to know that as much as I want to inspire everyone to chase your dreams and be powerful, it's also a blessing to be vulnerable. I think we are in an exciting time where people are maybe starting to see through the B.S. and crave honesty. I think the only path through mental health issues is a path of honesty. I am so much healthier now that I have been at other times in my life. But I still struggle. Life is not a y=mx+c graph. It's a rollercoaster and the tops and the bottoms can be seconds apart. Just remember, no matter what you see, we are all fighting our own battles.

CAN'T BREATHE

Clawing, ripping, tearing, smearing, snearing, ugly laughter

Skin, hair, teeth, tears, snot dripping, ugly crying

Frenetic, frantic, breath fast, eyes dart

get me out, out, out

Trapped inside my body

hold me down, down, down.

Thoughts racing, heart pacing

Never enough.

Do more, be more, get more, give more.

Crushed. Disappointing.

How are you?

Fine.

Worried. Stressed. Confused. Lost. Scared. Angry. Alone.

Want to scream.

Muscles in spasm.

Loathing.

Fear grips.

Heart aches.

Lie flat.

Can't move.

Stuck.

And here's a moody photo to go with it, captured by my friend Amelia.


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